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How To Get A Ph.D. In Love - Part II of II

By Tonja Weimer

 

“In life, as in the dance, Grace glides on blistered feet.” Alice Abrams

 

Why do some doctoral candidates at Oxford University in England succeed, while others give up? The students I interviewed at one of the world’s oldest, most academically challenging institutions cited the following: isolation, the lack of a support team, and discouraging, negative voices. But what was the constant thread that ran through the stories of these students? What was the major reason people succeeded? Anyone who achieves his or her Ph.D. at Oxford has come to terms with this: HARD WORK.

 

The students there said that the amount of work required was staggering. It was different for each student so there was no “plan” to follow. There was no one to show you what to do, or bring you materials, or even give you a pretest before the end of the year major exam. There was only one person to rely on to figure things out and then do the work. You. If you are single, here’s the message: it is the same in the dating world. Meeting the love of your life takes sticking with it and working hard.

 

There is an existing myth that presumes “True Love” will walk into your life when it is meant to happen. This presumption does you a disservice. So does the media. If you listen to the ads on TV, the reason you can’t find love is because you either have bad breath, you’re using the wrong shampoo, or, you aren’t driving the right car. No one seems to consider that you might have to work at finding love…just like anything else you accomplish.

 

What kind of hard work is required to meet your fabulous life partner? Here are four ways to grow now:

 

1. Attitude If you’ve got that attitude thing going where you sit with your friends and bash the opposite sex, and then complain about how there’s no one to meet, you won’t meet anyone. This attitude is ten times stronger than bug repellant. No one can get near you. Shift from the negative to the positive. Remember that there is someone wonderful for you. Then, be ready and willing to do what it takes to find them. Sitting around waiting for something to happen doesn’t grow the dates you want.

 

Singles clients start out fighting the idea that they have to take action to meet someone. It’s hard for some people to admit that they would like to fall in love. To do the things necessary to make that happen is even harder. They feel like they are admitting that there is something wrong with them. However, once they understand that they are just being SMART, they get over it.

 

2. Get some counseling Here’s another area that people resist doing. But if all of your past relationships end up in breakups or divorce, it might be time to get some professional insight. Understanding what you do is important, but even more to the point is to recognize your patterns so you can choose to act differently. Through the help of a good counselor, you can stop beating yourself up and start smiling at that person in the mirror.

 

3. Read some good books Go to your local library or favorite bookstore and look in the self-help section. Check out some books by Deepak Chopra, Martin Seligman, Dr. Henry Grayson, Judy Kuriansky, Anne Lamott, and others. Ask your wise friends and mentors what they have been reading. Look for book reviews on some good reads. Any journey starts with taking the first step. First steps can be wobbly, but you won’t fall down reading a book.

 

4. Take some classes, workshops, seminars, or weekend retreats Your local night schools, colleges, or religious institutions are some of the places to look for self-growth venues. Speakers, teachers, and mentors can broaden your base of information and give you inspiration. No one is born knowing all the skills required to be successful at dating and meeting someone. Bookstores and universities often have famous authors who come to speak. Make sure you ask for the newsletters from both of these places so you know when they have planned events. Not only will you learn something, you might meet someone while you’re there. Check your local paper for other announcements. Being single can be an adventure or it can be a depressing drag. You get to choose what you want it to be.

 

When you go on this personal growth quest, and commit yourself to learning, you will find some stunning insights that will shift your life into a different place. During the process of change, remind yourself frequently that you are worthy of a relationship, you deserve it, and you will find it if you don’t give up.

 

You are ready for an advanced degree. When you study hard, work hard, and try hard, you will attain your Ph.D. in relationships. Soon, you can call yourself…Dr. LOVE.

 

Additional Information - Provided by the Author

Tonja Evetts Weimer, M.A., is a Master Certified Single’s Coach and Life Coach. Read more of her articles at www.singlesdatingtips.com. To contact her, call 864-294-9494 or email tonja@tonjaweimer.com