Is Willpower the Only Way to Make Changes?
By David Bonham-Carter
We live in a society which puts great emphasis on success and failure and the related concept of willpower. Often people tend to think they should be able to make changes easily – that it is only a question of willpower. The problem with this is that if you don’t succeed as quickly as you’d like (and most don’t) then you can feel that you are a failure.
The good news is that there is a more realistic, pragmatic model of how we actually make changes in normal life. Proposed originally by the psychologists, James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente, it has been represented in many different ways. You can see a flow chart of this model of how we make changes as an alternative to willpower at the following link: Willpower and the Process of Change
A simple version of the model postulates that most people go through the following stages on the way to change:
1. Not considering trying to change at all.
2. Wondering whether change might be possible but not being entirely sure whether your can do it or even whether you want to do it.
3. Deciding to try to achieve change.
4. Acting to achieve change.
5. Maintaining change.
A crucial feature of the model is that it recognises that at any stage it is quite normal for a person to lapse.
The person who is trying to give up smoking but one day slips up and has a few cigarettes, say in a social situation where others are smoking, is not a terrible failure. They have just had a lapse. If that happens to you (whether the habit or behaviour you are trying to change is smoking or something completely different), you don’t need to blame yourself or feel guilty and go back to the old form of behaviour for good. Instead, why not just say to yourself something like:
“I’ve had a lapse – that’s normal when people are making changes. I’ll try to get back on track now and think about whether there is anything that I can do differently next time this situation arises to avoid lapsing again.”
This model applies to changing most forms of problem behaviour which have become a habit, whether the habit is smoking, drinking excessively, eating excessively (or undereating), behaving aggressively, not being assertive enough, acting emotionally, procrastinating, or something altogether different. Simple strategies, which a coach who is versed in the model should be able to assist you in learning, can be applied depending on what stage of the model you are at, to help you in making changes effectively.
The first message to take away is that lapsing is normal on the path to achieving major changes – it is not the end of the world. Just treat it pragmatically, recognise any progress you have already made and try to learn how to deal with the situation a little bit better next time.
Don't be too hard on yourself! Be practical instead.
Author Biography
David Bonham-Carter, the Founder of Life Coach Tips, is a Life Coach and Stress Consultant with over 15 years of professional experience in the field of personal change management. He founded this directory of life coaching articles in order to bring life coaching ideas and techniques to a wider audience. To view the flow chart of the alternative model to willpower for making changes, please visit the link immediately below:
Willpower and the Process of Change
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